Sex is like a Chinese dinner. It isn't over until everyone gets their cookies.

Men have become the tools of their tools.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.

I'm living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.

I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.

Life would be so much easier if we could just see the source code.

I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial.

If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching television by candlelight.

The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.

True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.

Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.

We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.

If you think it's simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.

I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change

A hen is only an egg’s way of making another egg.

Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.

I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.

I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his.

A picture is worth a thousand words (which is why it takes a thousand times longer to load...)